I have to say a few things about Adam Lambert.

He has an amazing voice. Usually over uses it, especially for pop music, but it’s amazing. Needs to be on BROADWAY. But he would rather be a rock star (which, technically, he’s not but you know what I mean). But who can blame him for wanting to be on the edge of glory (gagagaga)?

His new single is stupid. Stupid as fuck. Yes, it’s catchy but it’s also really annoying. Like, Justin Bieber annoying. His label will push it out to the radio because they’re all a bunch of idiots. Who is his A&R? That guy needs to be fired. Adam should be singing songs that melt your bones. Like Adele. That’s his voice. But she has the control. He’s out of control and always has been. But that’s sort of his issue… can’t have ALL OF THAT talent and not a weak spot.

There is a solution:

Obviously Adam can’t write a good song, so he needs someone to pick out some really hot tracks for him. That “Whaddda want from me” song was perfect for him. Pop/rock. P!nk should give him all of her b-sides. Katy Perry should write him a “Firework”. No ROCK, just POP/ROCK. Duh. Give him an Adele song. If you are going to be dumping a million $ on this guy, you better know how to get the good shit. Him being gay and his look didn’t get him this far, it was that he had that voice. BLAST IT. “Adam has the best vocals in the industry, in the world!” It’s controversy. But it’ll work. Cuz he just might have the best vocals in the world or that might mean people will listen to his music just to call it shit and then get it stuck in their head.

Adam, you’re new single blows. Call me up, I’ll get you the right tracks (though I’m sure you’re album is done and it’s just as crappy as the last one but just in a different way, right?)

Love you! xo

Josh Paparazzi

PS: You’re boyfriend’s balls look smelly! But I bet they’re little and cute.